Wednesday, May 9, 2012

BAN COLLEGE FOOTBALL? Ay mami

Reading Buzz Bissinger's op ed in wsj (your all's favorite) where he appeals to "ban" college football got me a thinking. So I'm applying the AED to bullvscock here and hitting the 'shock' button. Ready?

We would be getting ahead of ourselves if we were to take such a drastic step with things as they are now. Here's my list (nothing is final, though) of things that should happen in order to transition more seamlessly into a reality where college football is banned. Keep in mind I dislike college football as much as any rational individual. But I question "bans" and the powers that would enforce such a thing. So here's my list of appropriate predecessors:

1) every movie stars Will Smith. From here on out. Quality of life would inevitably improve.
2) cars should fly
3) everyone takes the same supplements every morning - MSM? Fish oil? Some mind eraser? Whatever. Everyone get on the same page.
4) all countries on one currency
5) ban Barney because he's unrealistic and gives kids the wrong idea
6) hire a robot president
7) outlaw forks and knives because they are sharp, spoons are all people own
8) water bottles made of giggles
9) no more doorknobs. Every door on earth is automated.
10) Biff gets rich at the track, buys a hotel/casino, becomes mayor, buys the town.

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